Having Healthy Boundaries
Healthy Boundaries are something that we are never really taught. Most of us to be honest did not have any good examples to learn from. But that's ok because we have loads of good examples and resources here.
We love how mentor Inna Segal describes boundaries.
"Boundaries is one of those subjects - that you can glide around the surface for years without much progress. As to truly understand what it means to have HEALTHY boundaries takes much time of looking at what’s not working in your life and how it’s affecting you - in terms of losing your energy, health and life force! And when you look at wellness sooo many physical ailments are connected to lack of healthy boundaries. Everything from chronic fatigue to headaches, back pain, throat and thyroid condition, asthma, Digestive issues, parasites and various cancers indicate that somehow we are not looking within and creating a healthy, respectful, positive environment.
An exercise I have personally done more then once has been to take time first to meditate on - what does it really mean to have healthy boundaries in my life - where I value, respect and honour myself? This is a profound question because in the contemplation of it, you will become painfully aware of how often you completely disrespect and disregard what is healthy for your inner being. (This is not meant to be a harsh or a critical exploration but one of kindness, compassion and a new found care for yourself.) It means to listen to the voice within. The next step is to become what I would call brutally honest with yourself, take a pen and paper and write down, who is it that you have lack of boundaries with in your life and how does it affect you and also them (ie. are you perpetually trying to save or change someone who has no interest to do so, are you still continuing a relationship with past romantic partners who have feelings for you even though you are in a new relationship? (this can often make you lose a lot of energy and create much confusion in your current relationship and even stunt it from growing.)
Are you wishing to be in a new relationship whilst holding on to the old one? Do you continually give out more energy then you have? Do you constantly put yourself into situations you don’t want to be in? Do you regularly do things without thinking through how your actions will affect your wellbeing and inner equilibrium? Do you have any idea what’s healthy for you in relation to others? I deeply encourage you to truly explored these questions for some time and write down what it means to have healthy boundaries for you. The next step is the most difficult- as you have to put this into practice (and not everyone will like it or be supportive. In fact you might be called selfish and unhelpful and have people be upset and disappointed with you for a while - so you have to be careful of not going into a guilt trip.) However if you follow through - your inner being will become soooo much healthier, more energetic and begin to truly thrive. And your inner self will finally feel acknowledged, supported and respected, which allows it to thrive !"
Watch the videos and resources below including a short exercise on calling your energy back so you can feel more aligned the decisions your making and boundaries that feel healthy to you.